My heart is broken.
It is now 06:08 AM in Amman. I am waiting for my colleagues to arrive at our meeting location – it is 7 degrees and the sun is not out yet.
A woman is walking her dog – a scene that reminds me of the US in the morning and Turkey at afternoons.
I have slept 3:30 hours since I hung up the phone with Absi – and been left with ideas that woke up with me today.
I came to realise that my brain works differently than most people’s brains – the way I filter and process things make me myself – I thought about this idea as I had my Faure music playing and watching the break of dawn emerging.
The contrast that Absi told me about last night is the one I see he keeps spotting lately in myself but I wonder whether it is the good or the bad one he mentioned on a canvas? I also see how an exposure can literally change people – according to him people don’t change but things do ( at least what I understood) he changed a bit! I see how the exposure got into him – he is to a degree more refined – wanting to openly learn ; admitting to what was wrong and what he wants to make right and so ..
It is amazing that we met in a time when I was going through my second adventure in life and had been already exposed to 2 different cultures at the time – maybe that’s why I wanted to meet half way . I early on realized that life doesn’t mean a thing if the heart doesn’t beat! If we don’t get to experience the fire and the eyes .. how can one be alive?
In life and love clarity is important – trust as well .. everything flows from there – I reckon!
I am now on my way south – thinking will I ever one day wake up next to him – have coffee and chat then off to work? A place for the two of us ! A home we make and feed into – something so intimate and warm.
I am content and glad more than ever pleased to be internally calm and floating …
I love our energy … His eyes and most importantly our connection that always keeps the fire on ..
I can see time flying to April for so many reasons and I am smiling!
The assignment I am taking for this week had me meeting with women from the UK and Northen Ireland. Experts on security with a technical background – I had a quick chat with them and I realized that all of them had their life kicking at their 30s! they all told me that they were busy nursing their kids as they got married very early on – and with the proper support from the husbands of some they were able to become international experts in fields where women are barely seen!
This is very inspirational and I expressed how impressed I was – as I am at a turning run now, the conversation I had today was timely – I learned more than any time to trust the timing of the universe and be calm, things shall naturally fall in place.
I was doing my grocery shopping yesterday when I saw that chocolate snack I once fell in love with in Australia – I was smiling like a kid in a candy store! it brought a beautiful fuzzy warm feeling to my heart – it’s been a while! of course, back then I was nutrient ignorant! but that purchase was for my soul 🙂
Else, it feels different knowing Absi is right around the corner! I always have said: at least we are under the same sky! but how helpless one can be knowing that something living inside of my heart is so close yet so far that I cannot really reach! anyway, the sun is beautiful and the moon is full and I am sure you are enjoying both!
I can only remember the times when I came back and ran to meet him! I was a different person back then however despite the hurt, the feelings are the same… and boy how much I hate to admit it!
The feeling of the sun on my face is best reflected in this piece…